420 ftw
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
