Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
