Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
