apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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