it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
