i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
