Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
