Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
