I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
