Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
