4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
