Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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