she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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