Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
