Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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