I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
