i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
