??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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