What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
