In America we eat man semen.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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