Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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