she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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