is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
