Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
