Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
