I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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