You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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