So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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