wanna go halves on a baby?
Soap is not a condiment
He felt like a one man threesome
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
