If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
