it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
