took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
