You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
