im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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