I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
