if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
