How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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