My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
