Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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