I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
