is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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