I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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