Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
