Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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