turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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