If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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