Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I party with great urgency now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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