Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
