I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
