The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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