I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize