How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
