It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
