So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
