why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
