I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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