But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
